


It's always been him hasn't it?

by Unknown_Art



Category: Clannad
Genre: Bisexual Male Character, Denial of Feelings, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:55:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27804145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unknown_Art/pseuds/Unknown_Art
Summary: After many stages of denial, Tomoya Okazaki finally comes to terms that his idiotic best friend, Youhei Sunohara, is the one that has stolen his heart. Will Tomoya Okazaki be able to hide these newfound feelings from his best friend or will Sunohara find out the truth? Well I guess we'll just have to see how the fate of the two boys’ relationship pans out in the end.
Relationships: Okazaki Tomoya/Sunohara Youhei
Kudos: 10





	It's always been him hasn't it?

From the very moment this year started, Okazaki's heart had already been stolen. There was nothing that could change the fact.

No matter how many girls Okazaki met. No matter how attractive they were nor what quirks they had could change his true feelings. His heart had already belonged to someone for a long time already. It had belonged to the one person that had stood by his side this whole entire time. It had belonged to the one person that somehow managed to brighten up his otherwise dull and uneventful life. It had belonged to the one person that had become an important constant in Tomoya Okazaki's life.

But when Tomoya realized who it was however, he wondered if the world was playing some sort of sick sadistic joke on him. Setting up his life like it was some stereotypical dating sim, introducing him to all these people he would've been able to romance as the main protagonist, but in the end it would be revealed he fell for no one.

Well, that wasn't exactly true. Okazaki had fallen for someone. He fell for the one person he shouldn't, no he couldn't have.

Who did he fall for? Well isn't it quite obvious? With all the heroines eliminated there was really only one candidate left.

Our beloved protagonist, Tomoya Okazaki, had fallen for none other than Youhei Sunohara, award-winning idiot and his closest friend.

He wasn't sure when his feelings for the other boy had passed the boundary of being platonic. He didn't know when his heart had suddenly started to race so fast around the boy. He didn't know why this had started to happen, nor did he know why it took him so long to realize them now.

But the mere fact that these feelings existed terrified him. This had to be some sort of mistake right? I mean out of everyone he could fall for, it was Sunohara? That moron with the overzealous personality was the person who had stolen his heart? That idiot that always got into trouble no matter where he went? That dumbass that was always by his side? This was the person he had fallen for? This was the type of person that his heart was doing leaps and bounds for?

He just couldn't believe it. No, he refused to believe it! It was the two of them after all; they were just two social outcasts that had no choice, but to spend time together. They were just two idiots that hung out with each other to fill the empty void of their lives by finding various ways to entertain themselves day by day. Their relationship wasn't anything special, so there should have been no reason for Okazaki's feelings to develop this way.

There should have been no reason he was falling for that idiot. There should have been no reason his mind and heart had started to act so irrationally around him. There should have been no reason he wanted to do things with Sunohara that he didn't want to do with anyone else.

Damn, he really had become a mess hadn't he?

I mean he was acting lovesick over Youhei Sunohara, of all people! Getting all kind of feelings he wished he wasn’t having for that blond idiot. Thinking all kinds of thoughts he wished he wasn't having about the other boy. Feeling all sorts of new feelings he wasn't quite sure what to do with.

He really was treading on unknown territory here; Okazaki had no clue where he was supposed to go from here. It's not like he could go outright and confess his feelings to Sunohara. Tomoya could barely admit the two of them were friends, let alone be vulnerable enough to confess something as important and game changing as that.

Hell, even just imagining himself confessing to Sunohara was a terrifying thought in itself. I mean he would be confessing that he like Youhei Sunohara, the most idiotic person to grace mankind since it was created. Don't you see how humiliating it would be for Tomoya to admit he liked someone like that?

And besides how would he even go about doing it? Sure he'd read about guys and girls confessing to each other in manga all the time, but a guy confessing to another guy? Ryou had mentioned once that Kyou had read some stories like that before, but Okazaki hadn't so he had zero expertise in that field.

Well it's not like he ever imagined he would need that kind of advice in the first place. He had always thought he had only liked girls. I mean he only really ever developed crushes on girls as he's grown up. Sure, there were a few times he could admit some guys looked good, but it's not like he ever wanted to act on them.

But when it came to Sunohara...

Okazaki's heart was pounding harder for him then it had for anyone else before. Pounding so hard he was afraid it was going break right out of his chest one of these days if he wasn't careful.

This was absolutely terrifying for Okazaki, his feelings had never grown this intense about anyone else before.

Every time Sunohara flashed his signature grin, his heart beat started to race. Whenever the overly energetic blond would passionately go on about his favorite choose your own adventure books or that dumb "Bomb a Head" song he loved so much, a sudden warmth bloomed in Tomoya's chest. And when Sunohara had fallen asleep in class with his head buried into his arms, Okazaki couldn't deny how cute he looked when he was sleeping peacefully away.

God, he really hated it. He really hated the fact that Youhei Sunohara of all people was making him feel that way. Didn't his mind know that the two of them being in that sort of relationship was just a recipe for disaster? Wasn't his mind aware how foolish it was to have those kind of thoughts and feelings that would never be reciprocated by the other boy? Why the hell did he have to stir up feelings for the absolute one person he shouldn't have?

Okazaki didn't want to deal with them. He didn't want to confront his feelings for Sunohara. He didn't want to admit how much he really cares for him. He didn't want to admit how much he wanted to be with him.

He tried doing everything in his power to avoid them. At first he just started by denying them, denial  
had always been an old reliable friend when it came to not confronting his feelings. But as his feelings intensified even denial eventually failed him, which meant that he was forced to take even more drastic measures.

What were those drastic measures? Well, Okazaki figured if he stopped hanging around Sunohara those feelings would go away right? If the two of them distance themselves for a little while everything would return back to normal right? With time those feelings he once held for Sunohara would fade away and become nothing of distant memory to Okazaki. Or at least that what he thought would happen, but time only proved what a horrible idea that was.

If anything the more time he was away from Sunohara simply reinforced how bad he needed him.

Until he wasn't next to the other boy constantly, Okazaki hadn't realized just how dependent he had become on Sunohara. He hadn't realized how he had become accustomed to the idiotic banter shared between them as they walked back to the boys' dorm rooms together. He hadn't realized how Sunohara's eccentric antics and facial expressions never failed to cheer him up, no matter what kind of day he was having. But most importantly Tomoya hadn't realized how lonely he felt without the energetic blond by his side.

Without Sunohara by his side, Okazaki felt strangely empty. It felt like he was always missing something important wherever he went. Like there was a blank void in his life that only the blond himself could fill.

There was no doubt about it; this was an extremely horrible problem Okazaki was facing. No matter if he was around Sunohara or not Okazaki's feelings for the other boy showed no sign of leaving.

I guess the only thing he could do now was just ignore them. If he just pretended those feelings didn't exist till the end of the school year everything would be fine. Yeah, as long as Okazaki didn't act on them they could both continue their normal lives till they graduated.

Everything would be fine.... Right?

Well that's where Tomoya Okazaki was wrong once again. Despite Sunohara's idiotic behavior and appearance he could actually be quite perceptive at times. When it came to academics Youhei was as about as dumb as a rock, but when it came to people he could be surprisingly very good at reading deeper into their actions and words. Sunohara might've been a complete idiot, but he could be quite intuitive about people's feelings and problems when the time called for it.

So Okazaki knew for a fact that Sunohara was suspicious of his recent behavior, he had hoped that Sunohara wouldn't ask about it. He had hoped he would just leave it alone and neither of them would speak about it. He had hoped that Sunohara would just pass it off as him acting weird and not think twice about it.

But Okazaki knew that was only wishful thinking, it only was a matter of time till he asked. It was only a matter of time before he would be confronted about it.

The only question that really did matter now was, how much time did Okazaki have left before it did inevitably happened? How much time left did he have left before Sunohara confronted him?

Well the answer to that was actually very little time. It was only a few days later when the blond had set out to finally confront his friend. Apparently Sunohara had decided it was best to strike at night, when it was just the two of them alone in his dorm room. It seemed like any regular night, the blond had been laying on his bed mindlessly staring at the ceiling, while Okazaki sat at the kotasu rereading the same manga he's read for the fifth millionth time.

But then that's when Sunohara suddenly spoke up, "Hey Okazaki, you know I've been meaning to ask you something."

"Yeah, what is it?" Okazaki replied as he continued to read.

Sunohara sat up on the bed and looked at his friend with a concerned look in his eyes "Did something happen recently?"

Flipping a page, Okazaki asked "What would make you think that?"

"Well you've been avoiding me recently and you've been acting a bit on edge lately," the blond explained.

"It's just your dumb brain imaging things," Tomoya rushed out.

Youhei raised an eyebrow to Okazaki's behavior; his response had been unusually quick and sounded tense. It was clear from all of Okazaki's odd behavior recently that he was hiding something from Sunohara, but just what could that be? What kind of thing would a guy like Tomoya Okazaki not want to tell his Sunohara? What kind of thing would a guy hide from their best friend that would benefit him?

"Oh, I see what's going on here, "a confident smile began to spread across Sunohara's face as he spoke, "You've suddenly gotten a new lover haven't you?"

"Yeah, I bet that's exactly what's going on!" The blond idiot continued to say with full confidence despite their being zero evidence to back him up.

"I bet you're hiding a secret girlfriend from your best friend because you're afraid I'll sweep her away from you with my adorable baby face!"

Tomoya briefly looked up from his manga and pointed out "If I really did have a lover do you really think I would be here spending time with you, rather than going on a date with them?"

"Ah, I guess you're right about that..." Sunohara awkwardly replied as he looked off to the side.

"But wait! What about a crush? I bet there's somebody out there you’re after," the blond continued his annoying line of questioning.

Tomoya nearly scrunched up the manga in his hands when he heard the word "crush" fall from his friend's mouth. There was no way he could admit that, there was no possible way on earth he would willingly admit he had a crush on Youhei Sunohara. Just the thought of admitting that to the guy himself would be humiliating as all hell! There was no way on earth Okazaki could do that!

Well I guess that meant there was only one thing left for him to do, he had to lie. He had to lie about his true feelings for the other boy, so he didn't have to confront the truth.

"No, there is no one," Okazaki internally cringed as he heard himself say it. It's sounded so unconvincing as it came out of his mouth that even he can't bring himself to lie about believing in it.

Reading in between the lines, a newly formed smirk appeared on Sunohara's face, "Oh so there is somebody?"

Abandoning his old spot on the bed, Sunohara walked over to his usually spot at the kotatsu and leaned against it to get a better look at Okazaki, "C'mon tell your buddy who it is."

Ignoring his friend's desperate need for intel, Okazaki continued to stare at his manga and replied "No, drop it not going happen."

The blond teased him, "Oh, is little Okazaki acting all shy? Well don't fear the great Youhei Sunohara will act as your wingman and help you out!"

"That's not the issue. There is no point in confessing, they won't return feelings," Okazaki responded.

Tomoya honestly had no clue why he was humoring his blond friend's nonsense, wasn't he aware it would be far easier to just say nothing?

The extraordinarily stubborn Sunohara countered, "Well, you never know till you try! So tell me who it is so I can help you."

"It doesn't matter who it is. They don't like me and there is no point in trying," Okazaki bluntly replied.

"How do you know they don't like you? You haven't even asked them yet!" The other boy pointed out.

Growing frustrated from this tiring banter, Tomoya looked up from his manga and in the spur of the moment exclaimed "Because even if do I ask him, it doesn't change the fact that he doesn't see me that way!" 

Okazaki immediately froze up as he realized what he just admitted. He couldn't believe how he had just let a major clue slip. He had royalty messed up big time.

Sunohara's mouth fell wide open from shock, "Oh.... It's a guy."

"I umm... well I didn't think you swung that way, I thought you liked girls," the blond continued to say as he awkwardly looked off to the side and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I do!" Okazaki shouted back.

"But you like guys as well?" the blond looked back at his friend and asked.

"..."

Tomoya stayed silent, saying he liked guys in general was being far too generous. I mean, you and I know there was really only one guy he seriously liked that way.

"You know what I'm leaving," Okazaki said as he tossed the manga he was reading to the side and started heading to the exit.

He didn't have to answer to any of Sunohara's questions. He knew if he did, those questions would lead both of them nowhere good.

"Huh?! Wait Okazaki!" Sunohara shouted as he saw his friend attempt to flee the conversation.

He couldn't let Okazaki worm his way out of this, they had to talk about this. So to prevent his friend from leaving the conversation, Youhei rushed after him and grabbed the back of Tomoya's arm to get him to stay and talk to him.

Not bothering to turn around to look at the other boy, Okazaki stated "Let go Sunohara."

Determined to not give up the blond continued his onslaught of questions "Who is it? Is it someone I know? Is he in our class? I swear I won't judge!"

Met with Tomoya's silence, the two of them stood in the center of the dorm room while Youhei quickly tried to wrack the back of his brain of who Okazaki could like. Wondering what kind of guy could Okazaki be into? Was he into a guy that was reserved like him or was he into someone that was the complete opposite to him, someone that was far more energetic and outgoing? He hadn't seen Okazaki hang around many of the people at school, so he couldn't imagine it being any of those people. The only place Tomoya really did hang out a lot was when the two of them spent time at the boy's dorm together.

 _Wait! The boy's dorm!_ Sunohara thought.

When Sunohara remembered the boy's dorm an absolutely horrific thought crossed Youhei's mind, one that was so terrible that it sent a chill down his spine. Okazaki couldn't have a crush on one of _them_ could he? The thought of Okazaki having a crush on one of those guys and even going as far as dating one of them made Sunohara's stomach churn.

Okay, yes Youhei knew he had previously just said that he wouldn't judge, but he meant he wouldn't judge the fact that Okazaki liked a guy. He was still allowed to judge if they were awful people or not and if it was one of the people Sunohara was thinking of, they were like the worst people ever! And to top it off if it was one of the people he was thinking of they were like one of the biggest jerks in school!

Youhei took a deep breath before he began to ask Okazaki one of the most terrifying questions of his life.

"You... You don't have a crush on one of the rugby guys do you?"

Personally offended that Sunohara would even suggest that, Okazaki shouted back "Hell no!! The rugby guys are just a bunch of sweaty jocks who'd like that?!"

Heaving a sigh of relief, Sunohara mumbled to himself "Oh thank god... That would've made things extremely awkward if it was true."

"But wait, if it's not them then who is it?" Youhei wondered aloud.

"Whelp, when you figure it out you can tell me later," Okazaki said as he made a dash for the exit once more.

"Hey! Stop running away!" Sunohara yelled as he attempted to catch Okazaki right before he escaped.

The blond out ran his friend, and slammed his right hand down on the dorm room door to keep it shut. Then to take extra measures to prevent him from leaving through the door, Youhei used his body as a barrier between Okazaki and the door. They were going to talk about this.

The two boys were at a standoff, Okazaki was determined to not admit who it was, while Sunohara had no plans to give up on finding out the truth. There was a stubborn look in both of the boys' eyes; this wasn't going be an easy feat to continue the conversation.

If Sunohara could just try to recall all of Okazaki's actions recently, maybe he could use that information to pinpoint who his friend liked. Yeah, that could work. The blond just had to review all the facts so far and it was bound to lead him to some sort of clue.

Okay, let's start from the beginning then. Since Okazaki had let it slipped that he liked a guy it already eliminated a good chunk of people. It couldn't be any of the new girls he hung out with lately or any other random girls Okazaki had encountered lately, so those options were thrown out the window.

But since Okazaki liked a guy it posed a new problem for Sunohara to figure out. He had seen Okazaki talk to a bunch of guys once or twice in the halls, but the blond couldn't imagine it being any of them. Tomoya wasn't the type of guy to easily fall for someone he'd only see once or twice. He had to be relatively close to someone to actually catch feelings for them.

But this posed another problem; Tomoya wasn't close with many people. He was not only a social outcast, but he was also a naturally more reserved person who didn't go out of his way to meet new people. He wasn't normally friends with a lot of people. I mean the only reason Okazaki suddenly became friends with a bunch of girls recently was because of the many coincidences that happened back to back, he hadn't gone out of his way to make new friends it just sort of happened. Actually now that Sunohara thought about it, he wasn't sure if Okazaki had a lot of guy friends. In fact he was pretty sure; he hadn't really seen Tomoya hang out with any guys besides himself.

Wait, hold it! If Okazaki only liked people he knew well and Sunohara was the only guy he was closed to then that meant....

A nervous sweat began to drip down his face, Sunohara knew the answer. He knew who his friend liked, all this time the evidence had been pointing to it. He really had been dumb for not noticing it earlier hadn't he?

"It's me isn't it?" Sunohara asked as he tilted his head up to look Okazaki straight in the eyes. He was determined to hear the truth straight from the horse's mouth.

Looking at him with such serious eyes, Okazaki felt his stomach began to toss and turn. He was screwed. He was absolutely completely screwed.

There had to still be some way to back out of this right? Okazaki just had to say something to convince Sunohara he didn't like him! Yeah, as long as he convinced Youhei otherwise, he would be _fine_! He would be _totally completely fine_!

"Do you honestly think I would fall for an idiot like you? That's probably the stupidest joke I've ever heard you told," Tomoya replied.

That's when Sunohara heard it. He had heard the panic of being caught in the act in Tomoya's voice as he spoke. That tenseness in his voice confirmed Youhei's theory to be true, Okazaki did like him. 

"But that's the reason you've been avoiding me right? You realized you liked me and didn't know how to deal with it and that's why you've been acting so weird around me right?" Sunohara said as began to approach the other boy.

 _Dammit! Why did Sunohara have to choose now of all times to be perceptive and actually use his brain for once?_ Okazaki internally remarked.

Panicking, Okazaki spat out, "You don't have any proof that that is true though! You're just making baseless assumptions with no facts to back it up! You have no way to prove any of this!"

Freezing in his track, the blond internally contemplated what Okazaki had just said for a few moments before he spoke again.

"What if there was a way to prove it?" Sunohara said as he took a few steps closer to Okazaki.

"Huh? What are you-" Okazaki started to say before he felt Sunohara's arms promptly wrap around his neck.

Tomoya Okazaki froze as he realized what Sunohara was about to do. _He couldn't be really doing it right?_ Okazaki thought, _Sunohara_ _was just going back out last second right? There was no way Youhei Sunohara of all people would..._

That's when Okazaki felt Sunohara quickly tug him closer, eliminating any sense of personal space that had been left between the two of them. When Sunohara's lips finally met his, Tomoya was done for.

In merely a split second he had become hyperaware of everything. He was aware how the blond's hair brushed against his skin, how soft Sunohara's lips felt against his, and how fast his own heartbeat was going from all this excitement. It was downright embarrassing how much he enjoyed Sunohara kissing him.

Unfortunately though, just as quick as the kiss started it also quickly concluded. When Sunohara finally pulled away he released his arms from Okazaki's neck and stepped back to get a good look at his friends reaction. Tomoya stood there frozen in place, adorning a blushing red face as he tried to take in all that had just happened.

Seeing his friend in such a flustered state, made Youhei's heart skip a beat. He didn't think it was possible for any guy to look that cute.

A light pink tint crept onto Sunohara's face, normally he would probably freak out right about now if he found a guy cute, but he did just literally kiss Okazaki, so calling him cute in this situation was probably the least thing to worry about.

"You know I'm surprised you didn't try to deck me the second I came near you," Youhei admitted, he wanted to say something to break the silence, "I was worried I'd been wrong about your feelings or that you hate me."

"But I guess I was right, you really do like me, huh?" The blond continued to say as he looked at his friend's face.

"Listen Sunohara..." Okazaki started to say, he really wasn't sure what he wanted to say to the other boy. He just knew he had to say something to distract himself from how much is own face was burning up.

"Hey Okazaki, how long have you liked me?" The blond suddenly questioned. Youhei wanted to confirm something.

There was a nervous expression on Tomoya's face as he looked off to the side, and didn't say anything. If Tomoya Okazaki admitted the truth to that, if he admitted the truth to how long he's liked this idiot for it would be completely embarrassing for him.

 _That long huh? Guess that made sense with how long he's been acting differently_ though, Sunohara internally commented to himself.

Huh... That's weird the thought of Okazaki liking him that way made his heart skip again, really how was Okazaki of all people able to do that to him?

"Hey Okazaki, don't you think as long as two people like each other it's fine for them to go out?" Sunohara looked his friend in the eyes and asked.

"Huh? Sunohara what are you trying to say?" Okazaki knew exactly what his friend was trying to imply, but he needed to hear it from his mouth for conformation.

The same pink tint from earlier appeared on Sunohara's face once more, he rubbed the back of his neck and nervously asked "Do you want to go out with me?"

"..."

"You’re an idiot you know that?" Okazaki said while looking at the floor to hide his expression.

 _But I guess I'm the bigger idiot for falling for you in the first place aren't I?_ Tomoya thought to himself.

He knew fully way two of them being together was a recipe for disaster just waiting to happen and yet...

Okazaki kissed him again anyway, he didn't know how else to articulate a response. He always had a challenge on properly communicating his feelings, but the smile that appeared on Sunohara's face after Okazaki kissed him showed he was more than satisfied with that answer.


End file.
